Selective Appreciation

In a time where women are done dealing with the BS of the male gaze it’s time for some self reflection about the way we treat each other. For years, women and girls alike, fought for the right of mere existence without criticism from men for just about everything.

More or less it still seems that whatever women do will always be criticized outwardly, and therefore the solution is simply to stop giving a fuck. But this constant criticism takes an emotional toll. It’s hard to feel comfortable being yourself if you feel everything you do is under scrutiny.

However, sometimes it feels that because we’re feeling the pressure from men and other disapproving figures, we become hesitant to talk about our treatment of other girls. Even though we’ve made a lot of progress that’s taking shape in so many different ways, there’s still a lot of ways we can improve. One of those ways is by reopening the conversation about cultural appropriation and young women.

Drawing from my own experience of growing up in a predominantly asian area, cultural appropriation was still a very big problem. 

This surprised me at first. 

I had been taught everywhere that cultural appropriation only really occurred in white dominated spaces and that POC were less likely to perpetuate this. This was very misinformed and I quickly learned that no matter the space or area, it is still bound to be a problem. 

In most conversations I've had with my peers and friends it’s often assumed that by simply existing as a woman, or by being a woman of colour, it’s virtually impossible to culturally appropriate, or as I like to call it “selectively appreciate”. To me the difference is definitely there. Cultural appropriation would be in short: when one ‘takes different elements of a group of people (etc. fashion) without giving proper credit to that group’’. Selective appreciation would be an extra step after the appropriation had already occurred. 

That step would be to completely ignore or disregard the double standard that the group that was appropriated from was being faced with.

It seems complicated. But let me give an example. 

When I was in high school one of my non-black peers wore braids to school. We see why this is wrong (hopefully). That’s culture appropriation. But adding on to that; people thought their hair was cool and “trendy”. When I wore my hair like that 2 months later, someone literally told me that I looked “extra black”. 

It seems kind of ridiculous but sometimes we do it subconsciously especially in fashion.

We often associate people wearing their cultural clothing as everyday clothing as weird (especially in the West), but when a fashion brand markets it, it becomes cool and trendy. Like PLT’s oriental dress which is just a knock off qipao.

Let’s look at another example. 

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with one of my close friends. She was shopping for clothes online and made the comment that she was worried that the site’s ‘oriental shirt’ would make her appear too asian. Long story short, it opened up a conversation about us feeling like certain pieces of clothing or hairstyles amplified our ethnicities negatively. She felt that appreciating different asian arts made her seem like a FOB (fresh off the boat), as opposed to someone born and raised in Toronto. While I felt that wearing different kinds of streetwear such as baggier pants or chains made me come across as ‘ghetto’ to certain groups of people.

Of course, these fears do not stem from thin air. I, as well as countless other friends, have very much had dismissive/degrading or micro-aggressive comments made to me by other girls and women about the way I dress or the way I look, even though those same comments are positive when someone who isn’t black is wearing them.

A lot of people do it naively or subtly, which makes me think that they don’t realize how hurtful some of those comments can be. Even professional environments lack the knowledge to refrain from making these comments. 

The point is not to shame anyone who has been making these mistakes. Growth should always be normalized and as we learn new things, adapting our opinions and behaviour is simply a part of character development.

But, being aware that your love of self-tanner is well adored, yet your friend’s naturally dark skin is criticized, allows for us to have a deeper conversation about why this happens and how we as young women can change perspectives and narratives.

Certain aspects of other cultures that we take for granted in our everyday clothing, words, and actions are used against people from the cultures they originally stem from. However, it is really hard to break apart things you’ve been comfortably doing every single day, and I’m definitely not asking you to rethink your entire life. 

The point, again, is definitely not to make you feel bad. We all make mistakes and no one, no matter what it may seem like, has it all figured out.

But maybe (hopefully) you’ve finished this article and it's started a conversation, or even just a simple thought about some of the things you’re doing. Researching, reading and consistently being willing to listen and learn is the first sign that you’re open to change.

Either way, the only things I can really ask you to do is to continue to do your best and be open to learning, changing, and growing.