It’s 2 AM, you’ve just got home from the bars, full-size pizza in tow, only to see a “u up?” text from a 2021 Tinder match you don’t even follow on Instagram anymore. Don’t worry, let the group chat handle it.

April 24, 2024 | Written by Sierra Madison

The notorious, “u up?” text has haunted dorm rooms, bar bathrooms, and post-party sleepovers since the invention of texting, and no one is immune to them. Even my mother, who is in her 50’s, has received her fair share during a brief Bumble stint (she’s since deleted it).

Since the first text was sent on December 3, 1992, by Neil Papworth, ( a 22-year-old engineer who probably sent his own variation of a “u up?” text), these two words have become code for inquiring if one is up and available for a booty call. If that doesn’t perfectly encapsulate the evolution of the English language, I don’t know what would.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the text is warranted and even wanted, but a lot of the time it’s mostly just a disrespectful pain in the ass to reply to, especially if you ARE up when said text comes in.

Quick life hack: always have your phone on DND so you don’t have to see any incoming texts.

With situationships on the rise and the demise of dating apps happening before our very eyes, I thought what better time is there to receive unsolicited dating wisdom from a girl whose seen it all (due to having unlimited access to my friend’s text messages during the ages of 19-22).

So, I called in the troops, aka texted the group chat, and asked them the best way to respond to a “u up?” text. They did not disappoint.

Bookmark this for the next time it’s 2AM and you’re eating mac and cheese from a box on the floor of your kitchen, and you hear your phone buzz with the invitation of mediocre sex and next-morning regret.

10 WAYS to reply to a “u up?” text

1. “No.”

Straight-forward, to the point, simple. If you aren’t looking for too sassy of a response but still want to make it known that you will not be entertaining any late-night booty calls, this is your best bet. However, I would encourage you to have a little more fun with it.

2. “Depends on what you say next.”

Like I said, not EVERY “u up?” text is unwanted. Keep it fun, flirty, and fresh. Keep them on their toes! Gaureented to spice up your night, use wisely.

3. “Someone already beat you to the punch, better luck next time.”

Whether or not this is true is irrelevant. Only to be used on toxic individuals. Beware: this may intrigue a toxic mindset — every player loves a good game.

4. “The group chat said no.”

Let them know the council has weighed in and they’ve ominously decided that it is a no-go.

5. Thumbs down the message.

Thumbs-downing a message is the equivalent of slapping someone across the face, except digitally, which is even better because you can’t get charged with a misdemeanour. A thumbs down is the perfect low-effort way of saying, “fuck you and buy a bed frame”.

6. “Did your ex not respond?”

This one is only to be used in situations where bad blood already exists, with the addition of them tending to go back to their ex a lot. 10/10 funny, plus gets the point across that you will in fact NOT be fucking.

7. Leave them on read.

This goes especially hard if you don’t normally have your read receipts on but you’ve turned them on just to let them know that you saw their text and decided it wasn’t even worth a response. No response is a response.

8. "u up? no baby… WE’RE up ❤️”

Shoutout to my friend for this brilliant response. Is this a yes? A no? Who knows, but it’s guaranteed to confuse them a little and earn you a couple of laughs from the group chat, so really it’s a win-win.

9. Send them a photo of you asleep.

A photo says a thousand words, doesn’t it?

PS. I don’t know why my leg is hanging off the edge like that…

10. Screenshot it and send it back to them with the caption “omg help me reject this guy”.

Only to be used when they’re a bad or toxic person because this is MEAN, but sometimes people need to have their ego knocked down a bit.

Whether you want to secure a late-night hookup or make a grown man cry, my friends pulled through with some A+ responses on how to handle the dreaded, “u up?’ text. If you use any of these, PLEASE post them on Twitter and tag us (@syntmedia) so the group chat can collect some field research. <3