Dear Men, It’s Time For You to Step Up

Over the past few years, rape culture has started to become acknowledged and discussed in newspaper articles, social media and in mainstream conversation. Although this awareness and discourse is a step in the right direction, rape culture was created by the patriarchy and continues to be perpetuated by men in society, as women tend to be the victims of such crimes. It is time for a change. 

In late 2018 there was a rape trial in Ireland for the rape of a 17 year old girl. With clear evidence that the crime had been committed, the defense lawyer held up the young girl's underwear and argued that it was a clear notion of consent as he said “Does the evidence out-rule the possibility that she was attracted to the defendant and was open to meeting someone and being with someone? You have to look at the way she was dressed. She was wearing a thong with a lace front.” The 27 year old man was then acquitted of the crime. Not only did a defense lawyer argue this but an entire system agreed. Women have taken the blame for rape and any acts of sexual violence against them for long enough. Continuously, young women are told to watch what they wear and to not attract attention to themselves to prevent rape and sexual violence. Although most rapists are men, rape education and sexual violence awareness is geared towards women, seeming reactive instead of proactive. This perpetuates the victim blaming attitude, allowing women to feel at fault for their abuse and trauma. 

Humor is another significant way that rape and sexual abuse is normalized in our society, from stand up comedy, to meme pages, to ‘boys’ groupchats, to locker-room-talk; the topic of rape has continuously been used for comedic purposes. The term locker-room-talk has been used to excuse the crude language of some men, one of these men being a former American president, world renowned misogynist Donald Trump, who excused his own disgusting remarks against women as “locker room talk” as he said, “And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything”. Rape humor has been excused by many as ‘dark humor’ and claiming that ‘boys will be boys’ insinuating that a mans actions are excused because of his gender, once again making men’s actions a woman’s problem. Humorizing rape not only is further instilling the idea of victim blaming, it is extremely degrading toward sexual abuse survivors and it continues to desensitize the severity of the topic and the mental and physical trauma sexual violence causes. 

In late 2020 through early 2021, the phrase ‘Kill All Men’ was created and used by young women in response to the violence women receive, the phrase was used with the intention of upset to allow awareness to be spread about sexual violence against women. Those who were angry at this ‘movement’ were upset and claimed it as ‘Not All Men’ who create violence against women. Similarly, the term “All Lives Matter ” was created in response to the BLM movement, those who used this term were ignorant to the violence and racism people in the black community continue to face. Comparably, these men who use the “not all men”' phrase seem to be more worried about the overall perception and reputation of men than the violence women occur for simply existing, they are prepared to find any loophole in order to avoid the harsh truth of what it is like to live as a woman in this society. These men claim they are the “good guys'', that claim it isn't fair for all men to be branded as predators and misogynists. In response to this I ask, why is it all women then?

Why have all women been the victims of rape, harrassment or assault? Why is it that all women are the subject of lewd jokes and remarks? Why are all women demeaned to sex symbols for men’s pleasure? Why is that all women have been told to dress modestly and “take it as a compliment” to prevent being victims of sexual violence? Yes, understandably it may not be ‘all men’ but it is all women. 

Women are tired. We are tired of our experiences being used as mockery, we are tired of men not being held accountable, we are tired of “boys being boys”. Women have carried the burdens of their own trauma for centuries, being told that we were “asking for it”. We are tired of taking the blame for a problem that we had no part in creating. 

So men, it's time for you to step up and use your voice. Call out your fellow males for their sleazy comments and cat-calling, call out your friends for speaking of women in a dehumanizing way, call out assaulters, misogynists and those who perpetuate the founding ideas of rape culture. And lastly, reflect on your own behaviour, think about the ways you contribute and then change it. We are tired. The “boys will be boys” excuse has gone on long enough. It is time for you to start answering for yourselves.