wtf happened to remixes?

This article is part of The G Spot, a weekly segment where criticista Gordistotle gives insight into the pop culture happenings of now through opinions or anecdotes on his life living in Toronto.

Whether or not you have an opinion on this, it’s a fact that remixes are quintessential to the music scene. It takes a certain type of visionary to turn a ballad into a club hit that people actually enjoy. There’s a long history of songs that were on life support before being resuscitated by their remixes, helping artists reach new audiences and career heights. 

However, recently, everyone has just been Phoning. It. The. Fuck. In. 

Long gone are the days when a remix meant a new feature or a completely reworked song. Instead, a new era of slowed, sped-up, acapella, and instrumental versions is being ushered in. Baby, we can get the nightcore from YouTube, you can keep your digital downloads. This slop is being thrown together by labels and put onto an artist’s streaming page as a last-ditch attempt to capitalize on TikTok sounds. All in hopes of nabbing an ever so slightly higher chart position.  

Let's be honest, who is actually listening to this shit? Keep it for the kids on TikTok, we’re grown-ups on Spotify. 

Labels realized, sometime during the pandemic, that they could sell multiple versions of the same single, without putting in any actual effort into changing it. The fans will buy it regardless, so long as they have stan ammo. It’s kind of genius really, bleed your fans dry! (Is this Tay shade?) There’s no way that could ever backfire, right? 

Now that everyone’s doing it, it’s become the industry standard.  

Oh? Your single’s debuting at number 2 instead of the top spot? Just release 10 “remixes” (with physical copies, of course) to get it there! Don’t hate the player, hate the game! Go to any of your favourite artists’ pages and they’ll have an EP with a couple phoned-in “remixes”, desperate times call for desperate measures. You couldn’t have your comeback single not debut at the top spot… 

But it wasn’t always this way, remixes had been a staple in pop culture since the 80s after they transcended the clubs and made it onto the radio. This is when remixes with a new feature or a complete track rework really had the potential to surpass the popularity of the standard version, and labels took note. For example, during 2001, Jennifer Lopez released the song “I’m Real” to mediocre success. The song soared to new heights upon the release of the Murder Remix and catapulted to the top of the Hot 100 for 5 non-consecutive weeks, completely eclipsing the original. Really, Tommy Mottola stole Mariah’s original sample for Loverboy and you essentially threw the song away? Girl fuck you. 

As I’ve made it abundantly clear in many of my See You Next Tuesday contributions, I absolutely love Mariah Carey. She goes by many names, songbird supreme, the elusive chanteuse, and (one I’m giving her myself) the queen of the remix. From O.D.B’s additional verse on Fantasy popularizing rap verses on pop songs to her genre bending remix album that shows off just how versatile of an artist she is. I can’t name a single artist who’s filming entirely NEW music videos just for a remix. 

Circling back to the artists of today, how can your tickets cost $900 but the best you can do is release a cheap rent-a-DJ remix? 

Maybe.... Get in the studio? Record some new remix-exclusive vocals? If you’re going to ring your fans dry for another iTunes sale, at least make it something worth buying. 

While I may have been a bit harsh in my review of her latest album, Charli XCX has been doing remixes right. The “girl, so confusing” remix with Lorde is a masterclass on how to nail a remix for the TikTok age. The internet immediately devoured the track upon release, with fanfare ensuing for the following week. It was inescapable. So inescapable that the track earned Charli her highest charting song on the Hot 100 in over a decade. This was a remix that actually made sense for both of the artists, in stark contrast to the industry plant meet-n-greet that was shoehorned on to the end of ‘Melodrama’. I’d like to think people can see through phoniness, and for once, I was proven right. 

The music industry is looking bleak, album sales are not what they used to be and probably never will be again. These cheap remixes are keeping the artists and their teams afloat, it’s harder than ever to make money off music itself. Well, unless you sell 18 different vinyls of the same album. Fuck the sea turtles I guess. But… Touring is booming… So maybe let’s stop being so greedy?