The Gordistotle Paradox

What concert would you time travel back to see?

This article is part of The G Spot, a weekly segment where criticista Gordistotle gives insight into the pop culture happenings of now through opinions or anecdotes on his life living in Toronto.

*in the voice of Tyra Banks* Gord To The Future, if you could go back in time and see any concert, which would it be?

For the sake of this week’s G Spot, let’s say I stumbled upon a time machine. My one desire is to finally see the concerts I've dreamed of seeing for years. Some may say this would be a frivolous use of time travel, but this is my column and I do as I please, thank you very much.

Disclaimer, in this hypothetical I am effectively a fly on the wall - a non entity, unable to alter the course of history. I just want to dance, ok? With my little fly arms. 

Butterfly World Tour - Mariah Carey (1998)

As a member of the Lambily (Mariah’s fanbase), the iconic 1996 Tokyo Dome performance for the Daydream World Tour seems like a no-brainer - WRONG! While I love the ‘Daydream’ album, I think that Mariah found herself as a performer after her split with then-husband, Tommy Mottola, and subsequent image revamp in 1997. 

The Butterfly World Tour kicked off in Japan to promote her 1997 album ‘Butterfly’. This was the first tour where Mariah attempted choreography and more risqué stage outfits, trading her “long dresses, fully covered” manicured style for slinkier dresses and two pieces! At the time, this was a big deal ok? Not everything was vogue and cunt and mmms and ahh. The setlist for the Butterfly World Tour also features some of my favourite songs; “The Roof”, “Make It Happen”, and “Breakdown” are all classics. 

Fans are convinced that her vocals were in their prime during the ‘Daydream’ era, but I personally prefer my Mariah with a raspier voice. Considering the vocal acrobatics she was doing in the earlier years of her career, it was inevitable that vocal regression would always catch up to her. This performance of “My All” (one of her many Billboard Hot 100 #1s, which are difficult to get, not everyone has one) proves Mariah still had it in 1997, despite what any critic had to say. 

In recent years, Mariah’s tours consist solely of Christmas performances and Las Vegas residencies. While her Vegas shows do go over her hits, I don’t know if I’m willing to drop thousands of dollars on flights and accommodations on top of tickets. I’m waiting with bated breath for the One Sweet Day she announces a North American tour that isn’t just a holiday cash grab. 

Love & Peace Japan 3rd Tour - Girls’ Generation (2014)

Girls’ Generation were one of the groups that first introduced me to KPop and it’s a little heartbreaking knowing that I’ll never get to see them performing their greatest hits on tour, let alone as a complete group.

Despite being a Korean group, Girls Generation had a huge fan base in Japan, even rivalling the country’s domestic groups in popularity. The Love & Peace tour was to support their third Japanese album of the same name, and was their last tour as a 9 member girl group before Jessica Jung was kicked out left. The setlist consists mostly of their Japanese album tracks (which are much better than their Korean ones, by the way), and to be frank, I don’t mind trading their more popular Korean singles for the more dance oriented Japanese b-sides (because I’m a real SONE). Really, as long as “Genie” gets performed, the rest can go. 

One of my favourite tracks, “The Great Escape”, is a Girls’ Generation Japanese tour staple. The Love & Peace tour’s performance stands out to me because at this point, they were 7 years into their career (KPop operates in dog years, 7 years is typically when groups are sent to “live on the farm” by their label) and the girls were seasoned performers. 

Despite having a reunion in 2022 with “Forever 1”, it was short lived, culminating in only one concert performance, the Long Lasting Love concert in Seoul. Maybe one day the girls will reunite again and hit the road… I’ll even travel to South Korea for it if I have to!

Confessions Tour - Madonna (2006)

This was a difficult choice. Madonna has embarked on many amazing tours over the course of her looooong career. Conceptually, each tour differs from the last; she makes a point to never repeat herself. Constant reinvention is how she earned herself the Queen of Pop title after all. Considering that each Madonna tour is very different, it was hard to decide which one I'd time travel back to… a very important decision.

After narrowing it down to The Girlie Show (1993) and Confessions (2006), I ultimately decided to go with Confessions. The tour is the perfect mid-point in her career, both celebrating Madonna’s past achievements while highlighting the album’s new bangers. ‘Confessions on the Dance Floor’ is widely regarded as Madonna’s best album and for good reason. Stuart Price, the producer behind the ‘Confessions’ album also acted as the musical director for the tour, with each track having completely reworked mixes. Classics like “Erotica” and “Lucky Star” were reworked to seamlessly blend into each other, so the entire concert set was essentially a mixed DJ set. There’s really no other word to describe it than awesome.

With eons of experience on the stage at this point, Madonna’s stage presence was legendary. The Confessions Tour had her nailed to a cross, dancing in cages and pole dancing on disco balls. If I had to choose only one concert to go back to out of any on this list, it would be this one. 

Having seen the Celebration Tour in Montreal this January, I can finally say that I’ve seen Madonna live. While she put on a great show, I definitely felt a little sad that I didn’t get to see her in her prime. The Celebration Tour focused way too much on the past and was something Madonna originally said she’d never do. The Confessions Tour was so great because it creatively incorporated her past tracks into the new ones. The Celebration Tour was just hit, hit, hit, another hit. Regardless, a once in a lifetime experience and so grateful to have seen her before she retires (which hopefully isn’t soon). 

Best Fiction Tour - Namie Amuro (2008-2009)

If you know me personally, you’d know my cat is named for Namie Amuro, who Wikipedia refers to as the Queen of Japanese pop. Clearly she’s very important to me. Namie was my first foray into JPop, broadening my musical horizons across the East Sea. Her retirement tour, Finally, was wrapping up just as I discovered her; finally someone to stan and she retires? I remember seeing the clips while fighting stans on Twitter and would always put a pin in doxxing and being doxxed to watch the clips in full. 

Sadly, that really was her final tour, and Namie has since retired. Which is good for her, all is fine, she did her time. I’d retire at 41 if I started my idol career at 14 too. However, in November 2023 Namie’s label avex trax scrubbed ALL her music from the internet. Like, completely wiped it. Myself and many others were devastated. Luckily I had pirated downloaded it all prior to it even being available on Spotify (Japanese labels are weird with international distribution), so I can still listen when I want to. Sucks for you though, I’ll send you the file if you ask, I guess. 

As great as the Finally Tour would be, I made a pact with myself to only do one tour per artist. I’d much rather attend the Best Fiction Tour, the accompanying tour to her greatest hits of the 2000s compilation ‘Best Fiction’. I really can’t recommend this album enough to anyone trying to get into JPop. It’s kind of the sacred texts for the entire genre. The Best Fiction Tour is Namie Amuro at her peak, performing the entire album plus some of her other singles. 

As I previously mentioned, Namie’s career has been essentially scrubbed from the internet so it’s difficult to access any of her videos. I was able to sneak this one through though. Thank you to the archivists on Facebook, what would I do without you.

The Formation World Tour - Beyonce (2016)

I love Beyoncé, I do, but she frustrates me. While other tours on this list could have for the most part been on any of the dates, Beyoncé operates differently. For some reason, she has to leave select songs out on certain stops of tours. For example, I saw Beyonce in Bruxelles for The Renaissance World Tour and was furious when she didn’t perform “Drunk In Love”, that was one of the main reasons I went! I wanted the Dubai run! 

It wouldn’t be just any date if I were to go back to see the Formation World Tour, it’d have to be the East Rutherford show where she performed “6 Inch”, my favourite song off the album. 

Despite concluding with “Halo”, a song that probably could’ve been left off the setlist in favour of a superior ‘Lemonade’ deep cut, The Formation World Tour has Beyoncé’s best setlist. Her vocals shine during the ballads and exude raw power during the more intense tracks like “Diva”. The Formation World Tour also featured the most intense choreography of her career, with Beyoncé never missing a beat. 

Side note, the Zach Campbell feature during “Flawless/Yonce” really would send me to another orbit if I saw that with no warning. The queen is back, bow down. 

A consolation to me not going to see this concert as a teenager is knowing that Beyoncé will definitely go on tour again and the likelihood of me seeing her is much higher than the other artists on this list. As the ‘Cowboy Carter’ tour has yet to be announced, I’m waiting patiently for Act III to be announced so I can go to that tour instead. 

Woefully…

Time travel is still looking improbable and I’ll never get to see these shows, as that’s the only thing I’d use it for. Thankfully I can always count on the archival skills of my friends at YouTube, Facebook, Vimeo, and what have you, to watch concert movies again, and again, aaaaaand again. 

I’ll let this be a warning for my adult self, live in the now and never miss a concert or live a life of regret. That being said, who else is free November 14th, 15th, 16th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd?