It Was Too Much Sex! How "Poor Things" Broke Male Minds

Why Is Everyone So Concerned About The Sex Scenes in “Poor Things”?

May 21, 2024 | Written by Veronica Kirin

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I was grinning as I exited the theater with my group, the crowd around us murmuring thoughts about the film “Poor Things.” 

“It was a perfect example of existentialism,” my friend exclaimed. “Bella even becomes God at the end!”

“I found it really empowering. An incredible example of female bodily autonomy,” I added as we walked down the steps and into the night.

“There was too much sex,” a male voice in our group chimed in. “It was gratuitous and detracted from the art.”

That remark really busted my chops. It was the same rhetoric I grew up with in the Catholic church: women should aspire to be like the Virgin Mary. We don’t talk about sex, we certainly don’t have sex outside of marriage, and we might not even have sex in a marriage either (unless to procreate). 

It reminded me of the everyday slut shaming and blame that women bear for their rape — women should ‘keep it in their pants’ at all costs. If they don’t, whatever happens to them is their fault. As America Ferrera said in “Barbie,” “You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much...” Here was this man complaining that Bella’s sexuality didn’t fit his standards.

“Would you have made the same statement if Bella were male?” I asked.

I was met with silence.

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I’m sick of the ‘demure wilting flower save-it-for-him’ rhetoric forced upon women. If “Barbie” served as an introduction to feminism as a concept, “Poor Things” is an introduction to bodily autonomy from a feminist perspective, and complaints of gratuitous sex underscore this connection.

“From about the time [girls] enter puberty, they learn their primary asset is their body and that it must be kept safe. Failure to do so, girls learn, is their own fault,” states gender journalist Emily Peck in her HuffPost article.

As I walked home, I considered the dissonance between what I’d experienced and the comment my acquaintance had made. When we first meet Bella Baxter, she has the maturity of a two- or three-year-old, though her body is that of an adult. She only knows a few words and responds to her bodily urges as they occur, pissing and shitting on the floor in kind.

We soon learn she is developing fast as part of a grand experiment: What happens if a child’s brain is put in an adult body? A child who doesn’t understand (or have the capacity to accept) social norms around bodily autonomy.

Bella, too, is told by the men in her life to protect herself and adhere to propriety as she matures. Her first experience with a controlling man is with her benefactor who knows only too well the dangers presented by other men. In this relationship, we find the frustrating model many of us grew up with — a father figure who lets brothers roam free while we are met with far stricter rules. Even these good intentions oppress. 

Soon, Bella can communicate with the world. She can control her urge to evacuate but has discovered in her adult body the fully matured mechanics for pleasure. Her child’s mind knows nothing of the social implications, only that it feels good. 

We see this child-like discovery reinforced as Bella develops her own language for sex, exactly as children develop their own vernacular for new experiences. She calls intercourse ‘furious jumping’ and describes cunnilingus as ‘tongue-licking.’ These are not the activities of a mature woman but of an adolescent girl in a woman’s body. Bella later declares, “Why do people just not do this all the time?”

“How many of us wish for Bella’s candor and clarity? I couldn’t help but offer a fist pump in the theater when Bella told Duncan, “I will leave at my leisure, but I am flattered by your desire to trap me.””

— Veronica Kirin

The fact that “Poor Things” is set in an alternative late 1800s England gives the perfect backdrop to the depth of constraint women face in day-to-day life. The frigid Victorian mores compel Bella to keep quiet and hide her urges. But urge she shall — not only herself, but others. Those around her find Bella’s energy freeing. She validates their desires and indulgences. This is what life might look like without male ownership lorded over female bodies, the film says. This is how a woman might explore her body if guilt, shame, and force hadn’t been exerted upon her from her earliest years—the message beckons from the screen to us female audience members. 

While everyone tip-toes around Bella knowing she is still technically a child, Duncan enters her life as an empowering force. “I do not care for polite society. It's fucking boring. It destroys one's soul.” He uses the idea of breaking social norms to allow himself as many sexual relations as he wishes — but always within his own control. He is not ‘polite’ with the women and does not honor their agency, warning them (and Bella) “not to fall in love.” He enjoys then discards, only ever focused on his agency. He’s fun and free, but what is free is only free for himself.

While Duncan’s disregard for society comes from a desire to get his way, Bella’s comes from the purest outlook possible: a lack of knowledge about it. She acts from her instincts and the limited experiences she has. Bella meets Duncan when she’s ready to explore more of the world while the others in her life hold her back. She travels with him under the guise of his devil-may-care empowerment as a means to see more of the world and learn about herself. 

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Bella has realized the truth that eluded me for decades: ‘polite society’ is oppression masquerading as protection. I was told to wear a bra (so men won’t look) but not one that could be discerned through my shirt (so men won’t look) and wear skirts that were below my fingertips (so men won’t look) all to ‘keep me safe.’ The result of this ‘safety’ was the restriction of my creative expression and bodily autonomy in the name of fear. Others behave badly, but it is my behavior that must be changed. Safety, for women, is to try to be unnoticeable. Bella has perceived that ‘protection’ runs the razor’s edge with violence — remaining ‘safe’ in the house’ versus remaining ignorant — and is pushing against those boundaries.

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Duncan believes he has captured a rare bird for his own, indulging in her what seems to him a voracious libido (here again gender biases play a role). Soon, however, he discovers that insomuch as Bella disregards the clutches of her benefactors, she disregards the same from all. This is not a woman running away from daddy’s control that Duncan can manipulate to his own ends. We later find Bella pushing against Duncan’s boundaries, too. “We are our own means of production,” Bella tells him after their many adventures when he discovers she earned funds in a Parisian whorehouse. He was appalled, much like my acquaintance as we exited the theater. It was too much sex! Duncan’s perception of owning Bella’s body is dissolved. It was okay for them to have sex multiple times a day. But someone else has touched her — once! He all but throws a public tantrum. “You, too, may tongue-play me,” Bella consoles Duncan. She retains her agency, ignoring Duncan’s anger and weeping.

How many of us wish for Bella’s candor and clarity? I couldn’t help but offer a fist pump in the theater when Bella told Duncan, “I will leave at my leisure, but I am flattered by your desire to trap me.” In real life, such a statement might result in the death of a woman. There is a reason TikTok videos explaining how to safely break up with a man go viral. Just as Duncan threw a tantrum in a public square when Bella invalidated his ‘ownership’ over her, many men threw violent tantrums in return for our departure. It’s no wonder that half of female homicides are the work of a husband or boyfriend. 

The ‘gratuitous sex’ in “Poor Things” is the result of a child-like ignorance of social rhetoric about what is feminine expressing itself through an adult body. Bella fully explores her limits throughout the film, both physically and emotionally, just as a child does. She eats her fill of the Tree of Knowledge. Were Bella a boy, my acquaintance might not have noted the sex, for ‘boys will be boys.’ 

Bella helps us imagine a world where we are capable of shirking the rule of man, where our bodies truly are our own, and we can explore ourselves without shame. Though we may not be able to safely model Bella’s candor, the idea of it draws a comparison for us to follow. To leave when our autonomy has been encroached upon and to work to loosen these constraints — for ourselves and our daughters.